In this post from Mainstream Parenting, the downside of breastfeeding is discussed, prompted by an Atlantic Monthly articlewritten by a mother contemplating the repercussions of exclusively breastfeeding her third child. The original article has a great comparison of the current breast feeding uber mom image to that of Betty Friedan’s “problem that has no name,” a history of the pro-breastfeeding movement, and questions some of the actually underwhelming evidence of the benefits of breastfeeding. And, of particular interest to me, is the discussion of how breastfeeding has the potential of shifting the gender balance of power in the (heterosexual) family:
“We were raised to expect that co-parenting was an attainable goal. But who were we kidding? Even in the best of marriages, the domestic burden shifts, in incremental, mostly unacknowledged ways, onto the woman. Breast-feeding plays a central role in the shift. In my set, no husband tells his wife that it is her womanly duty to stay home and nurse the child. Instead, both parents together weigh the evidence and then make a rational, informed decision that she should do so. Then other, logical decisions follow: she alone fed the child, so she naturally knows better how to comfort the child, so she is the better judge to pick a school for the child and the better nurse when the child is sick, and so on. Recently, my husband and I noticed that we had reached the age at which friends from high school and college now hold positions of serious power. When we went down the list, we had to work hard to find any women. Where had all our female friends strayed? Why had they disappeared during the years they’d had small children?”
I do think there is a way to make breastfeeding work and still feel balance, and so does Estherar at Mainstream Parenting:
“I’m happy to say from experience that it doesn’t have to be this way, if you and your partner acknowledge this and either take steps to correct this imbalance (e.g., Mommy feeds, Daddy changes the poopy diapers) or take care the balance is restored once the baby is weaned or takes bottles of breastmilk. “
But ultimately, as with so much of this stuff, one must practice whatever is right for one’s family. And I’m in support of any such evidence that takes the wind out of the sails of those who judge.
I’ll leave you with another great tidbit from the article:
“The debate about breast-feeding takes place without any reference to its actual context in women’s lives. Breast-feeding exclusively is not like taking a prenatal vitamin. It is a serious time commitment that pretty much guarantees that you will not work in any meaningful way. Let’s say a baby feeds seven times a day and then a couple more times at night. That’s nine times for about a half hour each, which adds up to more than half of a working day, every day, for at least six months. This is why, when people say that breast-feeding is ‘free,’ I want to hit them with a two-by-four. It’s only free if a woman’s time is worth nothing.”
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